29 7 / 2014

I’ve just been told a long and dramatic family history but am also thinking about my girlfriend and this mixture of feelings is keeping me awake

26 7 / 2014

world-shaker:

[leaves this here and backs away]

world-shaker:

[leaves this here and backs away]

(via livingtombstone)

26 7 / 2014

riding your man like

image

(Source: chrssy, via sybropotato)

26 7 / 2014

yungterra:

A New World Order sponsored by the Jehovah’s Witnesses sounds fucking wild

26 7 / 2014

deer-kin:

yungterra:

This was taped to the doors in my neighborhood today I’m laughing

NEW DASHCON

(via yungterra)

26 7 / 2014

iamtonysexual:

horus-zahak:

biggggblack:

aaamaaazooon:

LET’S DO A REVIEW OF LISA FRANK© BRAND BERRY-SCENTED BODY WASH
WE GOT THIS SHIT AS A CHRISTMAS GIFT THANKS TO BERRY-SCENTED TUMBLR USER JENNYLOGGINS
I AM A HULKING, BURLY, MASCULINE MAN, SO USUALLY I USE OLD SPICE OR IRISH SPRING OR SOME MANLY SHIT LIKE THAT BUT TODAY I WAS OUT OF SOAP SO I USED THIS SHIT
FIRST OFF LET’S START WITH THE PACKAGING

THIS FUCKING RAINBOW-ASS UNICORN IS THERE IN THE SHOWER EVERY DAY, EVERY FUCKING DAY THIS LITTLE FAGGOT SITS THERE AND GIVES ME THAT SULTRY GAZE WHILE IM TRYING TO CLEAN MY VULNERABLE NAKED ASS


rub me on your body

ALSO IT’S WORTH NOTING THAT THIS SHIT COMES WITH A WARNING NOT ONLY TO KEEP IT OUT OF REACH OF CHILDREN BUT THAT PROLONGED EXPOSURE TO YOUR SKIN CAN GIVE YOU RASHES AND PROBABLY UNICORN HERPES OR SOME OTHER SHIT

IDK ABOUT YALL BUT LAST I CHECKED THE EXACT PURPOSE OF BODY WASH IS PROLONGED EXPOSURE TO YOUR SKIN SO THAT RIGHT THERE WAS A RED FLAG BUT I PROCEEDED, ALBEIT WITH PROPER PRECAUTION AS TO AVOID APPLYING AROUND MY EYES AS DIRECTED BY THE PACKAGING OF LISA FRANK© BRAND BERRY-SCENTED BODY WASH. ALSO IT SAYS TO KEEP IT OUT OF REACH OF CHILDREN WHICH LEADS ME TO BELIEVE THEY ARE MARKETING THIS PRODUCT NOT FOR CHILDREN BUT FOR GROWN MEN SUCH AS MYSELF
I APPLIED A GENEROUS AMOUNT TO MY HANDS TO BEGIN THE CLEANING.


i’m so fucked up

AND THAT WAS WHEN THE MOST POTENT SMELL OF ARTIFICIALLY FLAVORED BERRY I HAVE EVER EXPERIENCED IN MY LIFE HIT ME LIKE A FUCKING EARTHQUAKE
I NEARLY FELL OVER IN THE SHOWER. IT WAS SO FUCKING BERRY. IT WAS LIKE I MADE SWEET LOVE TO AN ANTHROPOMORPHIC BERRY WOMAN AND DOVE NOSE-FIRST INTO HER GUSHING FRUITY LOINS. THERE WAS NO FURTHER DOUBT THAT THIS WAS INDEED LISA FRANK© BRAND BERRY-SCENTED BODY WASH. IT’S NO WONDER LISA FRANK’S ART IS ALL SO COLORFUL, SHE’S FUCKING HIGH AS BALLS HUFFING HER BERRY-ASS BODY WASH.
IT GOT ME CLEAN BUT I HAVE A HEADACHE FROM ALL THAT FUCKING BERRY. I UNDERSTAND THE WARNING LABEL NOW. THIS SHIT IS PROBABLY TOXIC TO SMALL CHILDREN, IT’LL BERRY THEIR FUCKING BRAIN CELLS TO DEATH. DO NOT TRUST THAT SULTRY UNICORN. YOU SEE THE MILKY WHITE COLOR IT’S PROBABLY HIS SPOOGE IN THAT BOTTLE IT’S NOT EVEN BODY WASH I JUST CLEANED MYSELF WITH BUBBLY BERRY UNICORN BATTER
0/10 WOULD NOT BERRY AGAIN

I FUCKING AM CHOKING AND PEEING AND DYING OF LAUGHTER I JUST FUCKING CAN’T RIGHT NOW. PLEASE REVIVE ME SWEET LORD.

This post is my life force

note to self: make an audio post of this

iamtonysexual:

horus-zahak:

biggggblack:

aaamaaazooon:

LET’S DO A REVIEW OF LISA FRANK© BRAND BERRY-SCENTED BODY WASH

WE GOT THIS SHIT AS A CHRISTMAS GIFT THANKS TO BERRY-SCENTED TUMBLR USER JENNYLOGGINS

I AM A HULKING, BURLY, MASCULINE MAN, SO USUALLY I USE OLD SPICE OR IRISH SPRING OR SOME MANLY SHIT LIKE THAT BUT TODAY I WAS OUT OF SOAP SO I USED THIS SHIT

FIRST OFF LET’S START WITH THE PACKAGING

image

THIS FUCKING RAINBOW-ASS UNICORN IS THERE IN THE SHOWER EVERY DAY, EVERY FUCKING DAY THIS LITTLE FAGGOT SITS THERE AND GIVES ME THAT SULTRY GAZE WHILE IM TRYING TO CLEAN MY VULNERABLE NAKED ASS

image

rub me on your body

ALSO IT’S WORTH NOTING THAT THIS SHIT COMES WITH A WARNING NOT ONLY TO KEEP IT OUT OF REACH OF CHILDREN BUT THAT PROLONGED EXPOSURE TO YOUR SKIN CAN GIVE YOU RASHES AND PROBABLY UNICORN HERPES OR SOME OTHER SHIT

image

IDK ABOUT YALL BUT LAST I CHECKED THE EXACT PURPOSE OF BODY WASH IS PROLONGED EXPOSURE TO YOUR SKIN SO THAT RIGHT THERE WAS A RED FLAG BUT I PROCEEDED, ALBEIT WITH PROPER PRECAUTION AS TO AVOID APPLYING AROUND MY EYES AS DIRECTED BY THE PACKAGING OF LISA FRANK© BRAND BERRY-SCENTED BODY WASH. ALSO IT SAYS TO KEEP IT OUT OF REACH OF CHILDREN WHICH LEADS ME TO BELIEVE THEY ARE MARKETING THIS PRODUCT NOT FOR CHILDREN BUT FOR GROWN MEN SUCH AS MYSELF

I APPLIED A GENEROUS AMOUNT TO MY HANDS TO BEGIN THE CLEANING.

image

i’m so fucked up

AND THAT WAS WHEN THE MOST POTENT SMELL OF ARTIFICIALLY FLAVORED BERRY I HAVE EVER EXPERIENCED IN MY LIFE HIT ME LIKE A FUCKING EARTHQUAKE

I NEARLY FELL OVER IN THE SHOWER. IT WAS SO FUCKING BERRY. IT WAS LIKE I MADE SWEET LOVE TO AN ANTHROPOMORPHIC BERRY WOMAN AND DOVE NOSE-FIRST INTO HER GUSHING FRUITY LOINS. THERE WAS NO FURTHER DOUBT THAT THIS WAS INDEED LISA FRANK© BRAND BERRY-SCENTED BODY WASH. IT’S NO WONDER LISA FRANK’S ART IS ALL SO COLORFUL, SHE’S FUCKING HIGH AS BALLS HUFFING HER BERRY-ASS BODY WASH.

IT GOT ME CLEAN BUT I HAVE A HEADACHE FROM ALL THAT FUCKING BERRY. I UNDERSTAND THE WARNING LABEL NOW. THIS SHIT IS PROBABLY TOXIC TO SMALL CHILDREN, IT’LL BERRY THEIR FUCKING BRAIN CELLS TO DEATH. DO NOT TRUST THAT SULTRY UNICORN. YOU SEE THE MILKY WHITE COLOR IT’S PROBABLY HIS SPOOGE IN THAT BOTTLE IT’S NOT EVEN BODY WASH I JUST CLEANED MYSELF WITH BUBBLY BERRY UNICORN BATTER

0/10 WOULD NOT BERRY AGAIN

I FUCKING AM CHOKING AND PEEING AND DYING OF LAUGHTER I JUST FUCKING CAN’T RIGHT NOW. PLEASE REVIVE ME SWEET LORD.

This post is my life force

note to self: make an audio post of this

(Source: braingremlin, via talkie-walkie)

26 7 / 2014

deerhoof:

the future is here and it’s horrible

(Source: pierregrassou, via baronvonhammersmash)

26 7 / 2014

loki-waywardson:

ok but seriously my favourite prehistoric animal is definitely andrewsarchus
image

THEIR JAW WAS A METER LONG

image
LOOK AT THAT SIZE COMPARISON
image
BUT THAT’S NOT THE BEST BIT
image
YOU SEE THEIR CLOSEST LIVING RELATIVES AREN’T BEARS
image
OR WOLVES
image
NO
image
THEIR CLOSEST LIVING RELATIVES
imageARE SHEEP
image

(Source: urmotherwasahamster, via baronvonhammersmash)

26 7 / 2014

26 7 / 2014

mrrobotico:

fuck-social-justice-blogs:

pervocracy:

snailchimera:

geekgirlsmash:

xekstrin:

comfemgem:

verycooltrash:

huffingtonpost:

Don’t know if we can look at Coke every the same way again. Be prepared to cringe when you watch the full video  here. 

sugar caramelizes when heated, more shocking news to follow

It’s like that guy setting coffee creamer on fire and being like “people drink this stuff!” and it’s like yeah, a dry powder suspended in air is flammable, shock horror.

   

Never show these guys how candy is made, they’ll shit themselves.

*quietly facepalms forever*

I hate when people try to prove foods are unhealthy using properties utterly unrelated to their value as foods.  You can make anything sound gross if you want to.

Did you know that salt is the same chemical we use to defrost sidewalks?!?!

Did you know that water is a major component in pig urine?!?!

Did you know that bread is made of wheat that has been ground into a powder and artificially reconstituted into a loaf shape using a fungus?!?!

Did u know that oxygen is what Hitler used to breathe?????

Bless all this

(via baronvonhammersmash)

26 7 / 2014

yet the internet seems to be fine. this is exactly what i need.

(Source: mare-moment, via baronvonhammersmash)

26 7 / 2014

  • 1: *during sex* ....i think i hear someone coming....
  • 2: ....who?
  • 3: MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE *bust nut*

26 7 / 2014

  • 1: oh shit gotta wear one of my nicer band t-shirts

26 7 / 2014

dogfricker:

twinkling-twink:

dogfricker:

im making toast shirtless at 4:10 am this is truly adulthood

What kind of toast tho

S O U R D O U G H

26 7 / 2014

(Source: memewhore, via friedensp4nzer)